


Pink Love Letters

by BrennaBuns



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Derek "Nursey" Nurse is Unchill, Fluff, Light Angst, Love Letters, Lovesickness, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-09
Updated: 2016-05-14
Packaged: 2018-06-07 08:17:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6796444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BrennaBuns/pseuds/BrennaBuns
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nursey held the envelope in his hands against his heart. He felt his cheeks flush and, closing his eyes, thought of Dex. Dex had said before that he didn’t really understand poetry, but it didn’t matter to Nursey now. Whether or not Dex understood, Nursey wanted to give him the envelope that contained all of his hopeless feelings. He couldn’t hold off his feelings any longer. He had to let Dex know how much he loved him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Nursey flipped the pages of his leather-bound notebook, searching through the mess of rushed handwriting. He wanted to write something new, something passionate and hot and intense, and was rereading some of his old poems for inspiration. He had tried earlier to write, but everything came out awkward and stiff. Maybe looking at some of his older works would help him, he thought.

He wanted to articulate all of his feelings down on the paper before him. He desperately wanted to make this perfect—this was meant to be a gift for his crush. But he just couldn’t concentrate—all he could focus on was the tick-tock of the clock on his bedroom wall. Maybe going to the library would help with his creative process—when it was too chilly outside to sit in his favorite spot along the Pond, he liked to sit next to the library’s massive windows. 

Nursey gathered his things in his backpack, slipped on his jacket, and left his dorm room. On his short walk outside towards the library there was only one thing on his mind:

Dex.

During the summer between their freshman and sophomore year Nursey and Dex had started texting a lot more, and when Dex wasn’t working they would visit each other or call. They still bickered and chirped each other mercilessly, but it was different somehow. There was more middle ground between each other; after that summer of texting and calling, they both had a better understanding of who they were as people. They still argued sometimes but their arguments didn’t step on each other’s toes as much as they did before.

Nursey reached his favorite spot within the library next to of one of the tall windows that overlooked Lake Quad. Even after he sat down, pulled out his notebook and began to write, Nursey just ended up staring out the window into the Quad. He had so many things on his mind besides just his crush that week, like studying for that U.S. History quiz in a few days or thinking of a thesis for his upcoming research paper. But thinking about Dex was just so much sweeter than thinking about anything else.

Everything seemed to remind him of Dex now, even his own damn clothes. Dex’s house always smelled like laundry detergent, those little pods that you throw in the wash, specifically. When Nursey returned to Samwell just a few months ago his parents bought him the same exact detergent pods. Now whenever he went to retrieve his laundry from the washing machine to the drier, all he could think of was Dex and Dex’s house.

Nursey remembered how Dex looked the first time he saw him that summer; his red hair seemed lighter from being in the sun so much and new batches of freckles scattered across his skin. He had a noticeably dark ring of tan around his neck and up his arms, and a new, fresh scar across his left forearm from working on his uncle’s boat. His lips never seemed to be so alluring and pink, and the way his white teeth lit up his entire face would make Nursey smile, too. Since when was Dex so handsome? Maybe Nursey didn’t notice it before since they were constantly fighting last year.

But now things were different, at least on Nursey’s end. He wanted so desperately to tell Dex how he felt and what he thought about him. He wanted to kiss those sweet lips and run his hands through that bright, red hair. He wanted to lie with him in the dark and whisper sweet nothings to him until the sun came up. And part of him wanted Dex to do the same things to him, too.

A backpack appeared on the table in front of Nursey with a gentle thud, snapping him back to reality. He looked up to find Dex in front of him, removing his laptop from his bag and sitting in the chair across from his.

“Hey, Nurse,” Dex said, flipping open his laptop.

“Yo,” Nursey began then noticed his laptop was bare on the back. “What happened to that sticker that was on your laptop, man?”

“It was peeling off.” Dex paused then continued, “I’m not really happy with our presidential candidates right now.”

Nursey smiled to himself softly. “I don’t blame you.”

“So what were you doing before I got here? You were spacing out super hard, dude.”

Nursey tried to nonchalantly turn the page of his notebook; he already started writing a sappy poem describing Dex and prayed to God he didn’t notice it. “I have to think of a thesis for one of my essays next week, but I can’t really think of anything good.”

“Bullshit,” Dex chuckled. “As if you’ve ever had difficulty writing papers. I’ve seen you pull 10-page essays out of your ass the night before they’re due, and you always get A’s and shit.”

Nursey couldn’t help but giggle too. “I’ve been procrastinating a lot today.”

“Clearly.” Dex wasn’t looking up from his computer screen, which Nursey was grateful for. He didn’t feel like explaining what he was actually writing in his journal. 

Eventually Nursey pulled out his binder and started working on his essay. There was a silence between them, but it wasn’t awkward; after some time, they both became invested in their work. After a while, though, when Nursey was stuck on forming one of his topic sentences, he glanced up at Dex. Another thing Nursey noticed about his crush after spending so much time together was how much he loved his eyelashes. They were a deep, dark red, and were beautifully long. He couldn’t help but love the way they draped over Dex’s hazelnut eyes as he stared downwards towards his work. They really stood out against his soft, pale cheeks, and the way they fluttered as he blinked seemed so magical.

“I’m gonna get some coffee,” Dex said, stretching his arms upward. “Do you want anything?”

Nursey broke out of his daze again, hoping Dex didn’t notice his staring at him from a few moments before. “That sounds good, actually. Could you put some cream in mine?”

“Sure,” Dex sighed. He seemed tired as he stood up and began to walk over to the coffeemaker across the room. Nursey watched him as he walked away, silently appreciating the back of his head. The way Dex’s head was shaped plus the way his ears stuck out just seemed really cute.

“Sorry, I think I put too much cream in,” Dex said when he returned to their table.

“’S fine,” Nursey replied after taking a sip. Although the coffee in the library was free it tasted only okay, but neither of them felt like walking across campus for a better drink.

After a while Dex became even more tired and decided to leave, and Nursey figured that since Dex was leaving he might as well go too. They gave each other a quick hug goodbye, the sensation tugging at Nursey’s heart. He felt his chest tighten as they went their separate ways. He wanted to hold Dex in his arms and absorb his warmth so badly. Nursey’s head throbbed with the image of Dex holding him tightly.

By the time Nursey arrived back at his dorm he sat on his bed and began to write furiously in his journal. Just being around Dex seemed to give him the inspiration he needed to finish this poem. His words were elegant and his motions were fluid; he wrote about the tightening in his chest whenever he saw him and the way those white teeth glistened behind those pink lips. He wrote about the way his eyelashes curled and how the back of his head gave him such a feeling of adoration. By the time he was finished writing, the outside of his window was pitch black.

Nursey reread all that he had just written, adding new lines and crossing out redundant ones. He felt so incredibly lovesick for Dex, and he knew it. Nursey sat back and thought about what he was doing. _I’m writing a love poem for my bro who has no idea I’ve had a thing for him since the middle of summer. I used to fight with this asshole about the stupidest shit, and now I’m in love with him? What would I even say to his face? ‘Hey, I dunno how gay you are but I wrote you this poem like a big idiot and I like-like you. Also, I can’t stop thinking about you.’_ They’ve come so far in building a relationship as friends and Nursey felt a nervous twist in his stomach when he thought of what would happen if he were to somehow ruin it with this stupid crush.

What would Dex even say? Would he laugh at him, or shrug it off, or even be repulsed because maybe he doesn’t swing that way? …No, Dex wasn’t cruel like that. Nursey was comfortable in his sexuality, but he had no idea how comfortable Dex was in his, or even what he defined himself as. He loved being friends, but he loved the idea of being boyfriends even more. Every day they spent together his longing to be together just grew more and more, and now being around him began to hurt. He so desperately wanted to tell him how he felt and for everything to be okay.

Nursey looked down at his poem again, made a few more notes, then stopped. He reached into his desk next to him and pulled out some small, pastel-pink stationary. He pulled out a red felt-tipped pen and carefully began to copy the poem from his journal onto the pink paper. He wrote in slow, calculated movements, creating a style that was half-print, half-cursive. After he was finished with his work, he folded the paper into thirds and gently tucked it into the matching pastel-pink envelope. He stared at the flap for a few seconds before licking the seal and pressing the damp seal downward.

Nursey held the envelope in his hands against his heart. He felt his cheeks flush and, closing his eyes, thought of Dex. Dex had said before that he didn’t really understand poetry, but it didn’t matter to Nursey now. Whether or not Dex understood, Nursey wanted to give him the envelope that contained all of his hopeless feelings. After a few more moments, he placed the envelope in the drawer of the nightstand next to him.

Tomorrow was Friday; there was a window of time where Nursey knew Dex would be in his dorm room studying or doing homework. He was always there every Friday before hockey practice.

_That’s when I’ll give him the envelope,_ he thought.

Nursey couldn’t hold off his feelings any longer. He had to let Dex know how much he loved him.


	2. Chapter 2

Nursey woke up late that fateful Friday afternoon, feeling more exhausted awake than before he fell asleep. He had had a restless sleep probably from the bundle of nerves that began to form in the pit of his stomach. Waking up to tense muscles wasn’t new for him, although they were usually from hockey or from getting an hour of sleep. It was so rare for him to wake up tense from nerves—he almost never let anything bother him; but the fact that Dex consumed almost all of his thoughts so he couldn’t sleep right really bothered him.

Nursey didn’t have any classes on Friday; he usually went to the gym with Chowder in the morning, then did homework or hung out with friends to pass the time until practice that evening. He rolled over in his bed to look at his phone and read the time as 11:09 a.m. There was also a text from Chowder sent from four hours earlier asking where he was and if he was alright. Nursey quickly responded back that he was fine, just decided to sleep in this morning and maybe they could hang out later or something.

Still wrapped underneath the bed sheets and comforter, Nursey flung his arms above his head, straightened out his body, and stretched. As he breathed deeply in and out, he felt his bones pop and his muscles relax, and sighed contently afterwards. Now that his body was able to relax, his mind began to relax, too, with his thoughts drifting far away.

What was Dex like when he woke up? Did he wake up with that adorable scowl on his face in the early morning? Dex didn’t really seem like a morning person, Nursey thought. Was there ever a time in his life when he was woken up by kisses, or cuddling, or by having someone caress that sweet auburn hair? Nursey’s chest tightened as he thought of lying beside Dex, beside those clusters of freckles on his cheeks and nose and ears, beside those long, dark eyelashes that lay gently above the flush of pink on pale skin. Did Dex like being the big spoon or little spoon? Something inside Nursey hoped that Dex liked being the little spoon so he could trace lazy circles across his toned chest and stomach, and continue his study of the back of Dex’s head. He wanted to be able to kiss the back of his neck and cradle his beloved within his arms. Would Dex do the same for him if Nursey was the little spoon?

A small buzz from his phone, still in his hand, broke Nursey out of his thoughts. Even when texting, Chowder was always a giant bundle of energy: “Ok, I was just worried when you didn’t show up this morning. Maybe we could get lunch in an hour or something?? They have tater tots today :D :D Is it ok if Farmer comes too??? :O” Nursey chuckled to himself then replied, “you don’t have to ask me every time if farmer can come lol, but ye I’ll meet you there”.

After several minutes of just lying in bed, Nursey finally decided to flick the covers off, feeling a slap of cool air on his body. He shuffled through the hamper of clean clothes near the edge of his bed, pulling out a pair of jeans and a dark red sweater. Lying tangled under some other clothes, he spotted a grey t-shirt that he had borrowed from Dex a few weeks ago after he spilled coffee all over his own shirt. He pulled the shirt out from beneath the others and looked at it, remembering how it didn’t quite fit but wore it anyway since he didn’t have a spare. Dex explained that he always carried a spare since you never knew what would happen, but if Nursey was honest with himself he readily accepted the shirt since it smelled so much like Dex. He didn’t even care about the shirt he stained; he just wanted to get his hands on his crush’s shirt.

He’ll probably want it back eventually, Nursey thought, then felt guilty about keeping it for so long. He stuffed the tee into his duffle bag so he could give it back properly after practice tonight. It didn’t smell like Dex anymore anyways.

Nursey slung his bag over his shoulders and walked towards the door with his keys in his hand, but paused before he reached the knob. He looked over his shoulder towards the nightstand where the pink envelope was tucked away in the top drawer. Somehow Nursey felt vulnerable leaving the poem where it was even though he knew it would be safe here in his dorm, but still felt exposed without it. All of those intense, passionate lines have been dying to be read ever since he wrote them down the night before. Without hesitating another moment, Nursey reached into the drawer, pulling out the envelope and sliding it into the inside breast pocket of his jacket. Having the letter close to his heart seemed to calm him as he finally left his dorm room.

\--

Lunch with Chowder and Farmer went as it usually did; Farmer was sweet and polite and always asked how Nursey was doing, asked about Nursey’s professors and offered help on any of his assignments, and occasionally talked about gossip going on within her volleyball team. Nursey really liked Farmer—she treated Chowder right and her sweet and caring demeanor always seemed so genuine.

“Sorry to keep talking about all this gossip, but it’s all Allison talks about and I can’t get it out of my head,” Farmer explained. “She and Marcie still have that rivalry going on and then there’s the whole thing with March. Every time I go to watch you guys practice she’s always asking me to see how Ransom is doing. Which is fine, and he’s nice, but I don’t go to necessarily see Ransom practice, you know?” She took a small sigh and added, “March is just afraid that he doesn’t like her back.”

“But if she likes him, she should tell him!” Chowder piped up. “If she doesn’t he won’t know how she feels for sure, right?”

Nursey felt his heart skip a little. His feelings were completely one-sided, and he could sympathize with March. 

“You okay?” Farmer suddenly asked Nursey, who had been staring at Farmer the whole time.

“Yeah,” he tried to say as coolly as possible, “the whole thing with March just reminded me of a girl in my English class.”

Nursey felt he needed advice about Dex, but he didn’t necessarily want either of them to know who he was talking about. It’s not that he felt unsure about his feelings; it’s just that he didn’t want anyone meddling in his complete love sickness for his fellow defenseman, and he certainly didn’t want anyone snooping around Dex for information on his sexuality. He somehow felt like he would be betraying Dex if he talked about his secret crush on him behind his back, so he let it be. He wanted to handle this whole situation completely by himself, yet…

“So, this girl in my class,” Nursey began, trying to be as calm as possible, “she’s openly pan and has, like, this HUGE crush on this other girl in her… biology class. She doesn’t want to assume that this girl she likes is straight, but she doesn’t want to ask her outright if she’s into girls ‘cause that would be hella rude. But she’s head over heels for this girl and doesn’t want to ruin their friendship if it turns out the other girl isn’t gay.” He pauses then adds, “They’re pretty close friends, too. She looks miserable all the time but I don’t know what advice to give her.”

“That sounds really tricky…” says Farmer after a few seconds.

Chowder leans his chin on the palm of his hand. “Poor girl. She sounds really cute.”

Farmer poked at her salad. “Well, in the end it’s always best to just be truthful. It sounds like your friend really values her crush’s friendship. I think they should meet up somewhere, and your friend should just be all like to her crush:”—Farmer gestures with her hands calmly, as if she’s practicing telling this to Chowder—“‘I value our friendship and if you’re interested, I think we’d make good girlfriends. If not, I respect your decision. But I just wanted you to know.’ I think that would be the best way to put it…”

After a few seconds, Chowder beams, “But we already make good girlfriends!”

Farmer and Nursey began to laugh at Chowder’s stupidly cute response. 

“Yes, Chris, we ARE good girlfriends!” After a few more giggles, Farmer then turns to Nursey and says, “But, yeah, something like that. It shouldn’t be, like, a do-or-die situation for either side. She just has to tell the girl she likes that if she’s into her, great, but if not, it’s ok!”

“Yeah, that makes sense,” Nursey says, reaching his hand under his jacket to scratch his side, and brushes past the letter. He remembers that the letter is still with him, and then remembers who it was meant for. Giving it to Dex would be easier said than done, even if their scenario just now seemed so simple. Part of Nursey loved their dynamic, their friendship, the way they clicked on and off the ice; yet a part of him couldn’t be just friends anymore. He wanted nothing more than to call Dex his boyfriend, to hold him close, to kiss him and love him unconditionally like he deserved to be. He felt so selfish by having these feelings.

They didn’t discuss the matter any further and shortly after giving him advice, Farmer had to leave in order to make it to her next class, so they said their goodbyes. Nursey hugged her, thanking her for the talk, then Chowder gave her a peck on the lips, and she walked away.

“I actually hafta go, too,” Chowder said to Nursey sadly. He clearly wanted to hang out for longer. “I have to do some homework that’s due by six and I haven’t started it yet.”

“It’s chill. Do what you gotta do, bro.”

“I’ll see you at practice, then!” Chowder quickly fist bumped Nursey then dashed away with a smile. “Good luck to your friend!”

Nursey felt himself smile again—Chowder was such a goofy, sweet kid. He breathed in heavily, a corner of the envelope poking at his chest as he breathed out. Even though he didn’t talk about him and Dex directly, he felt better about the whole situation. Farmer was right, he had to tell Dex what was going on with him… and yet he felt he couldn’t.

Nursey was supposed to be chill about everything in his life; ever since high school, he learned to go with the flow, to accept things as they were, to not let anything bother him. Even when it came to his past relationships he acted in the same manner—he let so many girlfriends and boyfriends go by being non-confrontational and never letting anything bother him. It’s not that he didn’t love them, it was more that they couldn’t accept it when he let him go; they couldn’t accept his aloof attitude towards their relationship.

Maybe this was why he fell so hard for Dex. All of the people Nursey ever dated were people like him: people who were passive, non-confrontational, and constantly in the “chill” mindset. In his first semester at Samwell, all he and Dex did was argue and bicker and annoy each other; Dex was too uptight, too opinionated, and never relaxed. Even after they fought, it was always refreshing for Nursey—Dex wasn’t afraid to call you out on your shit and it was honestly so nice to hear someone else’s end rather than drop the subject entirely. Besides, they didn’t totally argue all the time now—they had healthy debates with each other, and the bickering became more heartfelt.

Again, Nursey completely lost himself in thought and ran into a tree with a loud thunk. He was on his way to—where was he going? He sort of just started walking as soon as Chowder left. Thankfully no one witnessed his embarrassing collision with the tree, and took his time recovering to figure out where he was. He soon realized he was right outside the dorms, Dex’s dorms, and his heart swelled against his ribs. Without a second thought, Nursey continued his walk towards the dorms and immediately felt his palms sweat. Even though it was still chilly outside he felt as if he would melt underneath his jacket.

When he opened the front door of the building he saw four or five Wellies trying to fit a couch into the elevator, all of them arguing how it wasn’t going to fit, one suggesting they should just leave it and another saying they should just take the stairs. Nursey was way too emotionally compromised right now to ask them to move their dumbass couch so he could use the elevator, so instead he quietly retreated to the emergency staircase. Dex lived on the fourth floor, which, normally, four flights of stairs wouldn’t strain Nursey’s incredibly muscular legs but right now he felt as if they would snap underneath him. Was everything really going to be okay between them after this moment? Nursey felt his lunch churn in his stomach.

When he reached the fourth floor he made a beeline to Dex’s room. The distance between his room and the stairs was only 20 feet away, and yet it felt like an eternity before he reached the door. Even when he stood before Dex’s door, he did nothing; he wasn’t sure if maybe he should knock on the door or maybe text Dex to meet him somewhere, or maybe he should be more romantic about this whole thing? Was it being too lame to do this at the dorm? What if he didn’t take him seriously?

Nursey carefully pulled the pink letter out of his breast pocket and held it in his hands, tracing the seal with his forefinger longingly. He turned it over and stared at the red lettering that read _Will_ on the front. There was something oddly intimate about seeing Dex’s first name written in a variation Nursey’s handwriting. Was calling him Will too much? No one on the team and barely any of the redhead’s other friends (as far as he could tell) called him by his real name; “Dex” just stuck.

Nursey took a deep breath to calm his nerves, but it ended up coming out in stuttering gasps. He was going to do it. He had to; he couldn’t go on in silence any longer. Holding the pink letter in his trembling fingers, he lifted up his fist to knock on the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I literally wrote this during the time I should've been studying for my finals lmao rip  
> (find me on tumblr-- I'm that-omgcp-trash)


	3. Chapter 3

“No—this way, dumbass!” one of the Wellies yelled, trying to angle his new friends’ couch into the surprisingly narrow elevator. He and his roommate bought this stupid thing to save space in their dorm room and by God they were going to get it up this elevator one way or another.

“Fucking relax, dude!” his friend yelled back, squashed in a corner of the elevator. “Quit trying to force it!”

Two of their friends stood by to help but ended up just joining the argument. “You guys didn’t measure it before you bought it?!”

“I didn’t expect the elevator to be this small!”

“Look, if you angle it like this—“

“GOD, you’re CRUSHING me!!”

“Look, just—“ one of the friends standing in the hallway kicked the edge of the couch sticking out of the elevator, jamming it all the way in. “There, it fits!”

A muffled “fuck!” came from the corner of the elevator, followed by “I’m fucking stuck in here!”

“Oh my god, just wait until we can get upstairs and I’ll get you out.”

The two friends standing in the hallway packed themselves into the elevator and pressed the button with the large 4 on it. All of them stood in sweaty, awkward silence as they were being lifted to their destination.

\--

Nursey felt like he was going to throw up or maybe run away, or maybe both. The bundle of nerves that had formed in the pit of his stomach was working his way up into his throat; it felt itchy and dry and robbed his voice from him. His fingers went cold, trembling around the pink letter in his left hand. Nursey felt like he had been standing in front of Dex’s door for hours just trying to work up enough courage to knock on his door. After a few more moments he took a deep breath in and out and straightened his posture. He raised his hand to knock on the door, mentally preparing himself to finally face his crush.

Down the hallway, the four Wellies finally made it to their destined floor. Once the other two stepped out of the elevator, the friend in the corner forcefully pushed the couch from pinning him in between the wall, its short, thick leg slamming onto the tile with a deafening crack.

Nursey snapped his head around in response, dropping the envelope from his hand in his surprise. The letter twisted as it fell, the edge of it hitting the tip of Nursey’s shoe and sliding across the tile.

Right into Dex’s room.

“Oh, _shit_ —!“ Nursey hissed under his breath, immediately dropping to his hands and knees. He peeked under the crack of the door, trying to spy where the letter had landed, but couldn’t see it. It was long gone. 

Without hesitating any longer Nursey sprang up to his feet and began to speed walk back towards the stairs. He didn’t want to make a sound, didn’t even want to think; he just wanted to _go_. All of the courage he had built up had instantly dissipated. He didn’t want to stick around and explain to Dex what he was doing there. He didn’t feel like explaining to Dex what had happened, why there was a dopey pink letter under his door and why he didn’t hand him the letter himself. He didn’t even want the letter back at this point—it was too much hassle to try and get it back and try to explain what it was, what it meant. 

_Fucking chill_ , Nursey tried to calm himself, _there’s no way Dex would know I wrote that stupid thing—the handwriting is in a different style than how I normally write and it’s not like I signed my name or initials on it. Besides, he’s never seen me use that stationary… right?_

Whether or not Dex could figure out who wrote the poem still left Nursey feel so utterly embarrassed with himself. How could he have fucking dropped it like that? His whole plan to confess to Dex had completely flown out the window, leaving Nursey not only humiliated with himself but also disappointed. 

Even when Nursey felt the cold, autumn air slap his face as he pushed the lobby door open, his heart still felt as if it were about to burst. His conscious kicked itself for pussing out instead of sticking around to tell Dex the truth, but in the end it was better this way, right? Maybe this was a sign; maybe Nursey wasn’t doing this the right way—maybe it was too soon. There were midterms next week anyways, making this a terrible time to be head over heels for someone. Still…

\--

At practice, everything went on like it normally did. Dex was still his bashful, (somewhat) irritable self. Of course, he was only irritable when it came to Nursey—they were always constantly chirping and poking fun at each other, after all. What was Nursey really expecting? Part of him was imagining, maybe even hoping, that Dex would seem bothered when they met up for practice that evening so he could ask him about it. Did he not read his letter? …What if he threw it away after he read it? Did he even read it at all?

Nursey’s heart sank at the idea of Dex throwing away his love confession. Even though it seemed practical for him to—it’s not like there was a return address or even a hint at to who it was from—the thought still hurt him. _It wasn’t his fault, he didn’t know._

Nursey pushed aside his feelings during practice, convincing himself that everything was probably going to be okay. Dex seemed fine, so why worry? They had a pretty good run on the ice today like they always did, although Dex seemed slightly more focused than Nursey, and everyone seemed to notice it, too.

“Is everything alright, man?” Dex asked Nursey as they walked back towards the dorms after practice. Other Wellies were going to and fro in the dark, but otherwise it was a relatively quiet night besides the autumn leaves crunching beneath their feet occasionally. 

Nursey seemed lost in thought and replied back slowly, “Yeah. I just feel weird I guess.”

“…Seriously, is everything okay? You’ve been spacing out, like, a _lot_ lately. More than your dumb ass usually does.”

Nursey chuckles then looks up at Dex. “I’ve got a lot on my mind lately, I guess. Um, you know, midterms and all. I still haven’t finished that stupid paper either.”

“…I have a feeling you won’t actually do it until an hour before the deadline or some shit,” Dex says, nudging into Nursey’s side playfully.

“Pfffft, I’m not _that_ bad, bro! Even if I did, you think I couldn’t do it?”

“I don’t know how you fucking do it, but you always turn in everything on time. So I’ll give you that.”

The boys both began to laugh at each other, pushing and bumping each other playfully. Their friendship wasn’t perfect nor was it simple, but there was something heartfelt and precious that lied between them. Nursey looked to Dex under the light of the street lamps, and could’ve sworn he saw a light blush across his cheeks, one that wasn’t caused from the cold. Nursey felt the back of Dex’s hand brush across his own, and suddenly he felt the knot in his stomach all over again. He desperately wanted to hold his hand, but decided to casually pull away, putting a little distance between them as they continued to walk.

The defensemen gave each other quick half-hugs goodbye when they reached the outside of Nursey’s dormitory. Although Dex turned around almost immediately to start walking back to his own building, Nursey stared after him for a moment more. Afraid of his crush turning back and catching him staring, Nursey retreated into the building. 

Once he was in his room, Nursey plopped onto his bed without even bothering to take his shoes off. All he wanted to do was go to sleep and forget everything that had happened today; but at the same time, he didn’t want to forget anything. Even though he’s still cringing about it, he’s glad he didn’t get to see Dex read his letter. Part of him didn’t want to see Dex’s reaction but felt better knowing that the letter still ended up in his crush’s possession. Nursey rubbed the back of his hand, the one that brushed against the back of Dex’s, and wondered what holding hands with him would be like.

Realizing he was beginning to drift asleep, Nursey pulled his shirt over his head, pulled his pants off, and threw both garments onto the floor. Curling up under his sheets, Nursey flicked off the light from his lamp and nestled into his pillow, yet once the lights were out, he couldn’t seem to close his eyes. 

He couldn’t stop thinking about the letter. What did Dex think of it? Did he like it? Did he even understand it? Maybe one letter wasn’t enough. Just one _couldn’t_ be enough—Nursey had so many feelings he wanted to express that couldn’t be explained in just one small poem. Maybe if Dex could just understand, if he could just feel what Nursey felt for him, then maybe confessing his feelings in person wouldn’t be so difficult.

With a sudden burst of inspiration, Nursey flicked on the lights again, pulled out his leather-bound notebook, and began to scribble sloppily over the page.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo come find me on tumblr! My url is that-omgcp-trash <3

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first fanfiction I've ever written! Please enjoy~  
> (You can find me as that-omgcp-trash on tumblr)


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